I don't want to be an Uchiha!
by Randomness806
Summary: Deidara has had many unusual experiences since he joined the Akatsuki, but he never thought that he would end up switching bodies with his nemesis Itachi Uchiha.
1. Chapter 1

The newly appointed chunin's breathe was ragged. He clutched the wound in his side as he fled through the dense forest from his assailants. This was only supposed to be a straight forward escort mission. All had been fine until they'd stumbled upon a compound of some form. Little did they know at the time, this was actually one of the hideouts of the feared Akatsuki. Fluid escaped the eyes of the fourteen year old boy. His team mates were all dead, as was his jonin instructor and the escort they'd been supposed to protect. And the boy, Satoru Yamanaka, knew that there was no way he was going to be able to survive.

The trees in front of him suddenly exploded and the shockwave sent him flying back into the trunk of another tree. Winded, Satoru sat panting on the mossy cold ground. He could sense the chakra of his two opponents closing in. He ran through all of his clan's techniques, desperately searching his memory for something, anything that could possibly be of use. Of course, he doubted that he was going to be able to save his own life, but he just couldn't let the Akatsuki get away with killing his team mates. A brief spark returned to his previously dull eyes, as an idea formed in his mind. There was one jutsu that he could use. It was untested, developed from various Yamanaka techniques, even Satoru himself had no idea what the end result would be, but he was fairly certain it could serve as a form of revenge, regardless of how petty it may be.

"There is no point in running any further." A cold voice came from behind him. Satoru turned his body so that his hands were obscured from the figure behind him. He rushed through the various hand signs as the footsteps behind him neared. With the final sign completed, Satoru released his chakra at the Akatsuki member behind him and the other one still in the sky. The footsteps didn't even falter. The light left the Yamanaka's eyes as he resigned himself to his fate. He turned to face the man behind him. Itachi Uchiha. Sharingan glowing a vibrant red, the raven-haired man approached him.

"Was there anyone else on your mission?" The male asked.

"No, I'm… I'm the last one left." Satoru replied, eyes towards the ground. He barely even gained a glance at the kunai headed towards him. The gleaming metal object pierced his chest expertly and his lifeless body collapsed to the ground.

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><p>Itachi and Deidara walked back to base in an awkward silence. Neither would have chosen to work together, but seeing as they were the only two members left to defend the base, there hadn't exactly been very many options. They'd never expected a Konoha team to chance upon their hideout in Konohagakure, but they couldn't just let them report it back to the leaf village, and thus the unlikely and brief team was born.<p>

"Hey Itachi, un." Deidara said, finally breaking the silence. "What was the last technique that kid used on us?"

A long and stagnant pause hung in the air before Itachi finally spoke.

"I don't know, but it doesn't seem to have had any effect. Still the chakra was rather unusual, so I suggest we stay on guard." The pair continued the walk to the base in silence, completely unaware of the coming effect of the jutsu.

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><p>Deidara felt miserable. Firstly he'd had to work with Itachi and now he was starting to feel ill. At least Sasori and Kisame had returned from their separate activities so there would be no repeat of earlier. Deidara prodded the food sitting on the plate in front of him; his appetite had vanished.<p>

"Danna, un. I'm going to go and lie down." Deidara announced as he left the table and exited the kitchen. Sasori watched him leave. It was unusual for Deidara to be so… subdued.

"Hey Sasori, do you think something happened to Deidara and Itachi during that fight earlier?" Kisame asked.

"Why do you ask?" The puppet said, turning to face the other ninja.

"Well, Itachi's been in his room since we got back and now Deidara…"

"That's not exactly unusual."

"I don't know, something doesn't seem right."

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><p>Deidara staggered into his room, before collapsing onto his bed. He felt like shit. What the hell was wrong with him? It wasn't normal for anyone's condition to escalate so quickly. It had started out with a mild headache but now a pounding migraine pervaded his skull and his body ached all over. The blonde moaned into his pillow. His eyes closed and soon the male drifted into unconsciousness.<p>

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><p>A moan escaped Deidara's lips as his eyes fluttered open. Everything felt odd, but at least his headache was gone. As he pulled himself from the final clutches of sleep, he noticed that something was wrong. Firstly his eyesight was blurred and no matter what he did he couldn't get his eyes to focus. Also Deidara couldn't feel the mouths on his hands. The male examined his palms and sure enough there were no mouths to be seen, even with his hazy vision. Not only that but his hands weren't his hands. Instead of the skin being a tanned shade, it was pale and the fingers were longer and slimmer.<p>

"What the hell, un?" He muttered, before freezing. That was not his voice. "Oh no." He muttered as he realised he recognised this voice. "No, no, no, no, no, no." Deidara looked around the room he was currently residing in. It had the same basic layout as his own room, but the art supplies that littered his floor were not present and there were a few organised book shelves.

Pulling himself to his feet, the Akatsuki member walked over to the door that was slightly ajar on the other side of the room and appeared to leave to a bathroom. He pushed the door open and switched on the light. Looking into the mirror, Deidara confirmed his suspicions. Staring back at him was the body of his most hated foe: Itachi Uchiha.

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><p><strong>AN: Not quite sure where this idea came from but I decided to type it up regardless. Should I continue it? Please review and let me know.**

**Thanks for reading**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, I'm just borrowing the characters.**


	2. Chapter 2

Itachi slowly found himself coming to. He felt off, something was very very wrong. The Uchiha ran through the events of the previous evening. He'd developed a migraine and had stayed in bed, presumably drifting off to sleep at some point. As his eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the dimly lit room, he immediately noticed the difference. Instead of the blur that his eyesight had degraded to, he could see everything in precise detail. The male sat up, and long hair fell onto his face.

Long blonde hair.

Itachi delicately took hold of the hair and lifted it so that he could examine it more thoroughly. Even with the poor lighting, it was clearly blonde and not his raven locks. It was only then that Itachi noticed his hands, or rather the peculiar lines that ran across the palms. He brushed his finger over one of them and then gasped in horror as the slit began to open to reveal rows of glistening teeth and a wet pink tongue.

Now Itachi was usually a fairly stoic individual, but he could feel the panic rising inside of him as his brain put the pieces together. What was he going to do? This ruined everything. He couldn't face Sasuke if he was stuck like this; meaning that the Uchiha name could never be restored to its former glory. For one of the few times in his life, Itachi, genuinely had no idea what to do. No plan. Not even a spark of an idea. The male knew that this wasn't a dream, though he sincerely wished it was.

The door suddenly slammed open and the lights were switched on. A familiar figure made their way over to the bed and grabbed Itachi, who was far too stunned to react, by the throat.

"What the hell did you do, un!" Deidara, who was currently in Itachi's body, yelled. Itachi merely remained motionless, his thoughts spiralling out of control. "Damn it, Uchiha, what did you do!" The younger, well mentally, male repeated his earlier sentiment. Eyes wide Itachi finally made eye contact with his own body. It was strange, a small part of his brain that wasn't currently having a mental breakdown, thought, to look at his own features. Itachi hadn't actually been able to see himself with this much clarity for years. He looked tired and very angry.

"I… I don't know." Itachi muttered softly.

"What do you mean, you don't know, things like this don't just happen!" Deidara shouted again. Neither party were reacting particularly well, Itachi remained in a state of shock, lamenting all the things that had gone wrong in his life and that the universe never quite seemed to give him a break, while Deidara had flown into a fit of rage, which was fairly acceptable considering that he had just woken up in the body of the person he hated most.

"Brat, what is going on in here?" Sasori, who had been disturbed by the shouting, had decided to investigate, or at least tell whoever it was to shut the hell up. He had not expected to find the apathetic Itachi Uchiha, holding his partner by the neck. The puppet however was the most surprised at the blonde's behaviour. It was no small secret that Deidara hated Itachi, so why was he just sitting there as the raven-haired man was about to throttle him.

"Danna, un. Make him tell me what he did!" Deidara was currently in such a temper that he failed to realise that his partner had no idea of his current situation.

Sasori blinked. Once, twice and a third time. That voice had definitely been Itachi's, but only Deidara would address him as 'danna' and Itachi most certainly wouldn't have added the 'un'. The ex-Sunagakure ninja, found himself thoroughly confused for quite possibly the first time in his life. It was in this state of confusion that he spurted the quite uncharacteristic word:

"What?"

It was at this particular moment that Kisame decided to join the fray.

"What's going on?" The shark nin said. Upon observing the scene before him: the furious Itachi, immobile Deidara and puzzled Sasori.

"We switched bodies." Itachi said quietly, finally starting to come out of his stunned state.

Kisame and Sasori remained silent for a moment.

"How is that even possible?" Sasori asked being the first to regain his composure. Itachi flicked through his memories and only one event seemed to fit.

"The last technique that Yamanaka used. There's no other option." The male replied softly. Deidara finally released his hold on Itachi's neck and ran his hand through his, well Itachi's, hair.

"How do we reverse it then, un?" He asked.

"I don't know." Itachi replied. Having been an ANBU in the hidden leaf village, he was familiar with the Yamanaka's jutsu, but he had never encountered one that could cause it's targets to switch bodies, especially not after the user was deceased.

"Damn it, un!" Deidara hissed, on the verge of tearing his (we'll stick with 'his' for the moment even though it technically is Itachi's) hair out.

Sasori looked between the two males. "This could cause problems, get dressed and then we'll contact leader."

Deidara stood in the bathroom, staring at his reflection. It was bad enough being in the Uchiha's body in the first place, without having to cope with rather poor eyesight. He'd tried to style the raven locks into the manner he usually wore his own hair; however the hair was far more uncooperative. In the end, just tied it back into a simple ponytail. Deidara had also attempted to use his scope again, but given up after realising with his bad eyesight that there wasn't much point in using it anymore.

Mournfully, Deidara stared at his palms. He couldn't create his art anymore. Of course, he could still sculpture clay, but without his kekkei genkai, there was no way of making it explode without using explosive tags, but Deidara's pride would never allow him to do such a thing. His art was unique.

The explosives expert clenched his fists and went downstairs. He found the others assembled in one of the rooms. His eyes flickered over to Itachi and an overwhelming feeling of hatred spread throughout his system. _Damn Uchiha_.

Itachi was trying to maintain his calm façade, he couldn't allow the others discover his panic and what the real cause was. No, no one could ever find out the truth about him. To sustain the front, he'd made himself presentable. He'd tied the blonde hair back, meaning that both of Deidara's eyes could be seen for once. Itachi had also ensured that his face remained expressionless, quite unlike the male whom the body actually belonged to.

With the four S-rank ninja assembled, they contacted their leader and explained the situation.

Pain stared at the holographic images of his subordinates. He thought for a moment, processing the information he had just been given. Itachi and Deidara were both valued members of the Akatsuki and there would be repercussions if both of them were taken out of commission permanently. He knew what needed to be done but he doubted that either of them would be particularly thrilled.

"Kisame, you will continue missions as normal, we can't afford to let our work effort start to slide. Sasori, you are to infiltrate the hidden leaf village and find out as much as you can about the Yamanaka clan and this jutsu. Itachi, Deidara, although these are unfortunate circumstances, I cannot allow this organisation to weaken. You are to train in the others particular field and you will assist each other, failing to do so will have consequences…"

Although it was difficult to tell their expressions from the projections, Pain could sense a murderous vibe emanating from Deidara, while Itachi remained as difficult to read as ever.

"Hidan and Kakuzu are currently on a mission, but once they are finished, I will send them as well, to assist you in completing missions and intel gathering. That is all." Pain said, before terminating the discussion.

Silence fell upon the room as the discussion with their leader ended.

"What the hell, un!" Deidara shouted, "I'm not working with him."

"Shut up and get on with, brat. You shouldn't have gotten caught in the jutsu in the first place." Sasori replied.

"Damn it!" Deidara stormed out of the room. Itachi let out a heavy sigh; this was not going to be easy.

**A/N: Thank you for the favourites, reviews and follows. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and that the characters aren't too well, out of character. My updating schedule may be rather erratic, as I have a lot of school work so if there are long gaps between updates I shall apologise now.**

**Please review and thanks for reading.**


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